Monday, August 6, 2018
Last night was rough. I woke up in the night with a night terror, yelling at a bear. There were none nearby. Yet, I sat awake with concern, and toiled in the thoughts I had packed along this trip – the ones I could not leave behind.
This year has been rough. This summer the worst of all. It’s hard for me to even acknowledge, to speak out loud of the pain, the goodbye to a friend that Rachel and I had to endure. Even now I don’t want to face it. Just recollecting my recollections, it’s still too painful to write.
Doggie, Black Licky, Loaf of Love, Log Dog, Brownie. Anisa. She was a dog of many names, and much love. She was a kind friend that I never deserved, a sweet soul in a world that too often fosters bitter fruit. I awake at night and think of her. I scratch at the surface of memories looking to uncover what I could have done to keep her with us longer. I kick myself and bite down hard, I don’t deserve to express the pain. But it tares through all my might, opening up the night. I scream.
I thought there was a bear. But more likely it was my memories, fragments of fear jarred loose, that normally lay nestled in my mind.…